Wipeout
by Lithium2016
Summary: This is probably a stupid idea, but I was SO bored one day, and I was watching the show "Wipeout". Here you guys go. Rated T for language and sexual implication!


**This may be a really stupid idea, but I would LOVE to see it happen! Lula and Steph take on _Wipeout_, and I wish them all the luck! :)**

**Disclaimer: All obvious characters belong to JE, _Wipeout_** **belongs to ABC, and the other contestants are totally mine! Ha ha ha!**

-xoxoxoxo-

"White girl, guess what I did this morning!" Lula said as I walked into the bonds office. I just raised my eyebrows. It was probably terrible. Connie was trying hard not to laugh; I could see her twitching.

"What did you do?"

"Pack your bags, girl, we going to California! We gonna be on _Wipeout_, and we gonna win that money!"

I was frozen. "You're kidding. Tell me this is a sick joke. Grandma Mazur put you up to this, didn't she?" Lula shook her head.

"No, we actually gonna be on the show."

At that precise moment, Ranger walked through the door. He was tall, muscular, and sex walking. Today, he was dressed in the usual Rangeman uniform of black cargoes, black boots, black shirt, and a windbreaker that had _Rangeman_ embroidered on it. His eyes were covered with dark sunglasses and he was smiling.

"How much of that did you hear, exactly?" I asked him.

He smiled. "Good luck, Babe. Have fun." Oh, this was so not right.

-xoxoxoxo-

We were in California, headed to the set of _Wipeout_, and Lula was flirting with the limo driver. The other twenty-two contestants were in the limo with us. There were twelve men and ten other women. Oh joy.

John Anderson, John Henson, and Vanessa Lachey greeted us and introduced us to each other. Two men caught my eye; one was dark haired with green eyes, his name was Jacob Burke. The other was blond with light eyes, and looked strong, his name was Alec Greer. Some of the women that might be tough to beat were Lisa Bryant, Tamia Bentley, and Misty Cabot.

"Well, I guess the only thing to do now is get you all suited up for the course. Good luck," John A. said to us.

"And Big Balls," John H. said.

-xoxoxoxo-

We were all suited up and ready, Lula wanted to go before me, and I let her.

"From Trenton, New Jersey, we have Lula! A former adult entertainer, and apparently a pretty darn good one, too," John A. introduced. Lula waved at the camera and blew a kiss.

"This is for my big honey back home," she said, and I figured she was referring to Tank.

I watched Lula run down the slope and run across the walkway, then she got knocked off by the Sucker Punch wall. She swam back up and got back on. Next up was the Big Balls. She jumped ...and bounced off.

"AHH!" She screamed. "Damn, these _are_ big balls."

I laughed. Morelli, Connie, Ranger, Tank, and probably the entire city of Trenton were watching us back home.

Lula made it through in seven minutes and twenty-three seconds. Now it was my turn.

"Another lovely lady from Trenton, bounty hunter, Stephanie Plum! She was a baton twirler in high school, so she _should_ be flexible. Steph also has very bad luck with cars." They had _no_ idea. About the cars ...or the flexibility.

I took off toward the walkway, and jumped to the next platform. I dodged all the punches from the Sucker Punch, and moved on to the Big Balls. Apparently, I didn't move fast enough, because the Motivator slung me in the air. I screamed, but landed on the first ball, and held on. I stood carefully and lunged toward the second ball. I made it to the fourth ball before I lost balance and plummeted.

I finished with a time of four minutes and ten seconds.

A few other contenders face-planted into the Big Balls and failed. Lula and I made it on to the next round.

-xoxoxoxo-

The twelve of us left stood on a platform, waiting for the Sweeper Arm to knock us off. Half went down with the first sweep, leaving the other half to go on to the next round.

Lula and I made it so far.

-xoxoxoxo-

The next round was difficult because we were spun on the Dizzy Dummy and let loose. I was the first one out of the pack of dizzy contenders and made through the rotating football goal. I ran to the logs and started jumping. I fell from the third and tried again. This time, I made it. I bolted across a bridge with a dread that I may be knocked from it by a huge wrecking ball. I made it across, sending Lula and the other four contenders back to the Dizzy Dummy.

The last two to go to the Wipeout Zone with me were Tamia Bentley and Misty Cabot. "Wow, an all-girl Wipeout Zone!" Vanessa said cheerily.

-xoxoxoxo-

The Wipeout Zone was going to suck Big Balls. The first obstacle was the Catapult, where I would be launched.

As soon as the timer beeped, I was sent flying through the air and into the Zone. I swam as fast as I could to the next obstacle, which was the Raging Rapids. I started to climb. Suddenly, I found myself floating in the water. One thousand gallons of water had been dumped from above. Oh, that's it. This thing's going down.

I leaped back on it and climbed. I held on while the water rushed down and kept going.

Triple Threat.

Three sweeper arms were coming after me, and I ran like hell. I made it, thankfully, without getting knocked into the water. Then, I lunged onto the Spinner. I ran across and jumped to the last obstacle.

"Last one," I mumbled, trying to motivate myself. "Fifty thousand dollars if you win," I said. "I can do this."

Then, I sprang. I landed on the first Launch Pad, one of three trampolines, and started bouncing my way to the finishing platform. Once I reached the finishing platform, I collapsed and fell into a fit of heavy breathing. "Suck Big Balls, Wipeout Zone!" I yelled.

I finished with a time of six minutes and eight seconds.

Misty was up next, and I stood next to Vanessa, watching intently. Misty was flung far away from the Raging Rapids and lost about halfway through her run when her time passed mine.

Last was Tamia. Her catapult was too short and she lost on the Triple Threat.

Vanessa turned to me. "Stephanie Plum, you just won _Wipeout_!" I screamed and we jumped up and down. "Tonight's _Wipeout_ winner is Bounty Hunter Stephanie Plum!"

-xoxoxoxo-

Lula and I flew back to Trenton in first class seat, complimentary of _Wipeout_. I thought it was nice of them. Lula was bouncing in her seat all the way home, and I guess I was, too. I was giddy with excitement, I just won a game show! _Me_!

-xoxoxoxo-

Ranger engulfed me in a hug when we got home. "Congrats, Babe." He kissed me, an open-mouthed, tongue-touching, _hot_ kiss. "We'll go back to Rangeman after you've done your victory lap. I plan on giving you more than that at home." He nuzzled my neck and a wave of heat rushed through my body.

Connie, Lula, and I posed for a picture so Vinnie could hang it on the wall and say he had a champion. I was a champion!

Ranger drove me to Rangeman and fobbed us up to the seventh floor. Before we got to the bedroom, my clothes were gone, and Ranger was down to just his cargoes. He pushed me down on the bed and climbed on top of me.

-xoxoxoxo-

I woke in the morning tangled in damp sheets, warm Ranger, and the subdued scent of Bulgari Green shower gel.

My life was fucking amazing.

-xoxoxoxo-

**I hope you guys liked it! It's not my usual writing, but it was pretty fun writing it. Sorry if it's jumbled, but so is my mind, what with it being Spring Break! Plus, I really would like to watch them on _Wipeout_.**

**Please review and tell me what you think!**

**-Melissa ;)**


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